Though we often seek advice from outside ourselves, many spiritual traditions teach that the answer lies within. These queries can help you gain clarity in almost any situation. Just pick a challenge you’re trying to get through or understand better, and apply one or more of these questions. Then, be willing to act on what your inner wisdom reveals.
- Is this good for me? … This question needs to underlie every personal decision, whether it’s how to respond to a job offer or what to chose from a restaurant menu. So many of our choices are either snap decisions (i.e., no thought at all) or the process is complex and belabored: ask a friend (and another and another), make a pros and cons list, throw the I Ching. While such processes have a place, you can simplify things quite a bit by simply asking yourself if this is genuinely good for you – physically, mentally, and spiritually, today and next week and ten years from now. Because your inner being is invested in looking after your genuine interests — not just what your ego is craving at this minute — you’ll get the guidance you’re looking for.
- What does my body have to say about this? … We come from a culture that has long mistrusted the physical body. It’s been seen as the stepchild of the soul, a necessary evil, a confusing juxtaposition of God’s handiwork and the devil’s playground. It is, rather, a vortex of intelligence. Every cell and the millions of atoms comprising each one come equipped with awareness. Your body has something in the neighborhood of 40 trillion cells – that’s quite a consulting committee. Call on it when you’re confused or undecided. Get in a quiet, relaxed state and ask what your body has to say about staying in the relationship, taking on the volunteer commitment, or moving to another city. Then scan your body and note its sensations. Around the area of your heart, are you picking up the excitement that says “Yes!” even if there’s also a little anxiety about doing something new? Or in your abdominal region, are you feeling something more akin to dread, the fabled “gut reaction” telling you to take another path?
- What are my values? . . . Sometimes all it takes to know what to do is to call up your personal values and determine which choice best reflects those. And because values can change, deepen, and mature, “What are my values?” is an important question to ask yourself periodically – on your birthday perhaps, or at the New Year. It’s both liberating and motivating to be so well acquainted with your values that you could recite them on demand. My husband was working with this question and announced, “My values spell ditch: discretion, integrity, tolerance, civility, humility.” He was so pleased with his discovery that he had a bracelet made with his values engraved on it. You may want to do something similar, but as long as your values are engraved on your psyche and acted on in your life, that’s enough.
- What would Jesus (Buddha, Sai Baba, my grandmother) do? … Thinking of a role model, whether a great spiritual teacher or a sweet spiritual person, is like having a mentor on call. Ask yourself what this person would do in your situation. A technique for tapping their wisdom is to write out the question and the answer. This doesn’t mean that you’re channeling a spirit or writing a new gospel: you’re simply tapping into the wisdom that knowing this person (or knowing of this person) has given you. Your questioning on paper can become a fascinating conversation that yields surprising insights. And it gives the phrase “friends in high places” a whole new meaning.
- What am I not seeing? … We all live with blinders on. They come with having a personal vantage point. And yet the answer to a dilemma may lie in seeing just another millimeter of the situation. Ask, then, what you’re not seeing here. This is not a request for superhuman sight, just a slightly broader view. Often, what we’re not seeing is what we don’t want to see. Let’s say you’re feeling uncomfortable in your job for no apparent reason. If you were to see just a bit more of the picture, you might learn (or remember) that the problem is not the job per se, it’s that this job isn’t using a talent you’re yearning to express. Once you see that, you can take appropriate action.
- What really matters here? … What’s the priority, the unaccessorized significance in this circumstance? In his classic of the spiritual life, At the Feet of the Master, Krishnamurti writes that as we grow spiritually, it is essential to discern not just right from wrong, but more important from less important. Whether it’s making your to-do list for the day and prioritizing its entries, or figuring out which impromptu demands you can tend to in this twenty-hour period and which ones will have to wait, you need to engage in this discernment, to ask yourself what really matters. Generally speaking, things with feelings – i.e., living beings, particularly those closest to you – will take precedence. You’ll learn what’s of greatest consequence to you, in this particular instance, by asking yourself what really matters.
- Where should I act in this situation, and where should I step back and give Life room to move? … Ask this, expecting to get a sense of what is yours to do and what isn’t. This is the advanced class of enlightened living. You can probably count on your fingers the number of times you’ve taken an action that was, in itself, wrongheaded, absurd, and unconscionable. Countless times, however, we’ve all acted too soon or without sufficient information, or we’ve stepped in where our input wasn’t needed and muddied circumstances that were already working themselves out. When you ask yourself, quietly and confidently, what your part is in a given situation, and where to wait (or exit entirely), you’ll get a clear idea of your role. If you ask the question and you still want to barge in and act against the advice of your internal coach, remind yourself that, although life is a series of little dramas, none of them needs a drama queen.
- What would make me genuinely happy? … “Eudemonic” is a little used word that means “happy-making.” I think a word about making people happy should be as common as “and” and “the.” What are all the eudemonic activities you can think of? Make a list. How many of these happy-makers did you take advantage of yesterday, last week, this year? Which ones can you indulge in today? And when you’re facing a challenge, ask what would make you happy in the current state of affairs, whatever it may be. As you explore what makes you happy, cast a wide net. You may have “taking a cruise” and “being in Paris” on your list, but if you also remember that “hanging out at the library” and “playing with my dog” are eudemonic for you, you get to be happy every day – and that’s important. With all due respect to keeping clean, happiness is next to godliness, hands down. What would make you happy at this moment (that wouldn’t make you unhappy later)? Do that.
- Who has some guidance for me right now? … Your intuitive guidance can be your best friend, but there are times when someone else may have just the information or inspiration you need. Ask, when you’re perplexed or at odds with yourself, who might have advice you could use. This is the way you can avoid decision by consensus, taking random pointers from random people. If there is something you need from another person right now, trust your inner knowing to clue you in on just who this person is. Sit attentively and do some slow, deep breathing for two or three minutes to put yourself in a state of receptivity. Then ask, “Who has the right guidance for me in this situation?” You may see a face or hear a name immediately, or you may be led down a thought-trail to the person you can contact for help. Use you rational mind, of course, to weigh this answer and any others. If, for instance, you need help with a marital issue and the name of your ten-year-old comes up, this doesn’t mean you’re supposed to discuss your marriage with your child. It may, however, mean that you’re to put the child first as you work through things.
- What is the Divine intention for my life today? … As football has a Super Bowl, life has a Super Question, and this is it, asking the will of God, the way of Tao. Whether you see this as seeking to know the plan of a personal deity or the flow of your life in the direction it needs to go, you’re asking in this question for the safest, surest counsel there is. Your request is for the knowledge of how to compose your day so that it’s in keeping with the divine design. Surely you can go off in a different direction – we do it all the time and learn the lessons of the detour, Nevertheless, when you ask this question and even attempt to follow through on its answer, you’re taking the high road. One of my mentors is fond of saying, “I don’t always do God’s will, but I always want to.” That sounds to me like a great place to start. So ask the question. Its answer just might be the only one you’ll ever need.
Victoria Moran, CLC (CTA), CHHC (AADP), is a certified life coach and holistic health counselor with a private Vegan Lifestyle Coaching practice in New York City and phone clients around the world. You can learn more at www.victoriamoran.com. Follow Victoria on Twitter at www.twitter.com/Victoria_Moran, and join her Facebook community: www.facebook.com/VictoriaMoranAuthor.